Ways I am a Bad Feminist

original photo by Alisa Anton on Unsplash

A while back I read (well, listened to) Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay. The title of the book stems from the idea of treating feminism & feminimists like it/they have to be perfect...despite the fact that no one and nothing is perfect. The following quotes kind of sum up the theory:

I embrace the label of bad feminist because I am human. I am messy. I'm not trying to be an example. I am not trying to be perfect. I am not trying to say I have all the answers. I am not trying to say I'm right. I am just trying- trying to support what I believe in, trying to do some good in this world, trying to make some noise with my writing while also being myself.  

“When feminism falls short of our expectations, we decide the problem is with feminism rather than with the flawed people who act in the name of the movement.” 

So, here are the ways I'm a bad feminist. I know they're problematic, and they may upset someone. But...I'm just a person. I'm definitely wrong about some stuff, and I've got a lot to learn. We all do.

I don't like it when families don't have a cohesive last name. It makes addressing Christmas cards/etc so much more confusing- do I list the full names of both? Just the first names? The Smith-Jones Family/Household? Blergh.

Also, don't tell me it's anti-feminist that I took my husband's name.  My maiden name came from I guy I saw maybe 4 times a year until about age 13, when he stopped contacting me all together. It is not something I want to carry around for the rest of my life. There is no "one size fits all" approach for how we should identify ourselves. So, while I don't like that I don't know how to address your Christmas cards...I'll stumble through. Do the same for me, kthanksbye.

I can't stand when people say "We're practically married, we just haven't made it official." Is it really? That's like me saying "Well I'm practically runner- I have the active wear and the hydration belt and I registered for all these races. I just haven't actually ran in them, that's all."  This especially confuses me when it comes from people who also fight for the rights of gay marriage...either the piece of paper means something, or it doesn't. Both opinions are valid, but they are totally different. 

I do not like glitter, and I'm a little judge-y towards those that do. Same for pastel pink and sprinkles.

That being said, my daughter's room does have pink in it and she looks fucking adorable in bows.

I refuse to go past LGBT+ when it comes to acronyms. IT'S JUST TOO MUCH, PEOPLE. I cannot possibly actually use LGBTQQIP2SAA. No. NO. It's not that I dislike anyone...but at some point the acronym is just not effective. Maybe a discussion needs to be had about that, and when a more practical term presents itself I will use it, but until then I'm sticking with the plus. Please don't hate me.

So there ya go. I'm a bad feminist. Just like I'm a bad lotsofotherthings. But I'm trying, and that's a start.


  1. I have to agree with you on a lot of these things. I had no problem taking my husband's name. It wasn't even a debate for me at all. I wanted to do it. And you are so right about "basically" married. No, it's not the same. Just dont hate me for loving sparkly things and pink. I am a girlie girl what can I say? :)

  2. LOL i'm that family that confuses you because i was too lazy to change my last name so i kept my maiden name and i sometimes use my married name. actually, i confuse myself because i can never remember what last name i used haha!

  3. For the marriage one, I think I'd compare it to someone saying they're practically a marathoner because they can run 26.2 miles but haven't signed up and gotten the race bib yet. Because a long term relationship you have put in the work, regardless of paperwork. I also think the relationship part is essentially the same with or without (not in the eyes of religion obviously, but the commitment) but legal benefits for taxes, insurance, and beneficiaries apply only legally which is why it is important to extend that right to everyone.